i'm telling myself,
"he doesn't want to talk."
i'm telling myself,
"he's feeling put off."
i'm telling myself,
"you're being suffocating."
i'm telling myself,
"he regrets we started dating."
i'm telling myself,
"he wants you to take blame."
i'm telling myself,
"don't start with this game..."

of self-sabotage
that you use to isolate
because it's easier
and because you're afraid.
of "what will happen?"
if none of this works out
and you don't feel capable
or like you'll stick around.
when things get tough
and you have to speak up
explaining all the ways
your body turns itself off.
it's learned to survive
through things that have hurt it
and it's gone neglected
because its owner's felt undeserving.

you asked if i felt this is moving too fast and now it's made me nervous that you think it has.