I cannot tell whether we are friends.
I do not know how you are seeing me.
Friends or more than that.

I check websites like a teenager who fell in love for the first time to seek for any clues to find out your true feelings for me.
Your attitude marks as if you are not interested in me more than just a friend when I look up "signs your crush is not into you" pages.
Your behavior indicates that I am more than just a friend to you when I skim through "signs your crush is also into you" pages.

I hardly think we should date, even if we are both in love with each other.
Because I don't think we are compatible.
Because I am scared of any other rejection.
Because you have been one of my closest friends for years.
Because I am not strong enough to cut out my ex-boyfriend who might be the one for me.

I do not want to lose someone important in my life ever again.
Especially you. You are essential in my life.
But I do not want to miss out any possibility if we could be the best couple on earth.
I know I look sneaky by holding a chance to get back with my ex-boyfriend. But I am not into him at all currently, just he has been also one of the closest friends so I do not want to lef go of him if he is the one for me.
Someone guide me, please. Someone who knows the future, please guide me to the right decision.