i wish i had
loved myself
earlier
the bumps on my skin
the lines on my thighs
my front teeth peeking out
my stomach, curved to it's imperfect perfection
my hour glass body
he'd tell me multiple times

i wasted my youth on
tears and fear
to be able to look at the rest
and feel inferior
i cried raindrops
i hoped i'd call pretty
but darling it's not ******* easy
i look in the mirror
and see shatters
of the pain in my shoulders
everytime i felt like i needed to cover
my ******* skin, it belongs to me
but why is it that i feel like im not free?

i don't wanna look at her anymore
her face, everyone adores
i am happy for her
she deserves it
but God, i just wished i looked like her a bit

i tear myself apart
every ******* time i put myself on a chart
on the lowest bar
that's where i am
i can't help it
i just always seem to compare

i wish i had
loved myself earlier
to avoid all that trouble
i've learnt now, somehow
her beauty doesn't define my struggle
i am all things wonderful in my own way
slowly, i'll believe it
even if it's just
for
a day.