you know, the
weight of this ****
isn't very poetic.

the long days alone
do ******' hurt
sometimes -
guess i'm not as
tough as ol' Hank
or Ernie -
guess i'm still
just one lazy beauty
away from
having the guts
to end it.

jesus, some days
I just want to
crack my head open
to get rid of
these feelings and
voices and imaginings.

I think ,
      "just one girl who truly cares would make it all ok" , but
I know it won't.
in time, they'll leave
me too
and I'll be right back
here suckin' on the
bone.

****, I need something
to begin in me,
something with grit and
indifference and ingenuity
and terrifying passion.

I'm so tired of
these days of chewing
the gravel and flat
echoes ;
     of waiting to die ;
     of waiting to live.