Today was a bad day 
I’m seeing stars 
lingering in the hangover of sobbing 
drowning in my own tears 
I got lost inside my head again 
dragged to the bottom of the sea again 
pulled by the anchors attached to my legs 
I feel a pain that’s all too familiar 
like a next door neighbor
that won’t leave me alone 
I’m still paying for the mistakes 
made by my former self 
Shaken that I haven’t changed 
as much as I thought 
I see the devil lurking in the shadows 
waiting to escort me back to hell 
I’m trying to swim up 
I’m trying to kick and paddle
but I feel paralyzed 
crippled by self enmity 

But I don’t need to drown again 
I won’t 
I know how to survive this 
Even if I can’t swim right now 
I know what can lift me up 
I have floating devices 
I can paint waves 
collect shells 
listen to the hymns of the seagulls 
or watch the sunset on the horizon 
I can’t swim 
But it’s okay 
to wear a life jacket for now 
I deserve to float 
I deserve peace 
and so do you 

- Self-care