you aren’t gone yet
even after a month of radio silence
even after a month of hurt
even after the worst month that these eyes have ever seen
and these hands have ever held
when you see me, you still tell me to keep my head up
so keep my head up i will.
i will raise my head higher than the clouds
because who i am to say that i can’t?
who am i to tell you that i’m not strong?
you already know how fragile i am
you know that i can shatter like glass
slowly the cracks form
but quickly i shatter and fall to the floor like a waterfall of broken shards.
you aren’t gone yet,
but the immeasurable distance between us makes it impossible to see you
even when you’re right in front of me.
you once told me that i’m the kind of person that makes life worth living.
but what you don’t know is that i don’t know how to live without you anymore.
so tell me how i can keep my head up
when i fall to my knees every i think about you for too long
one mention of you name sends a chill down my spine and tears to my eyes.
one resurfacing memory is enough to send me into a panic attack
so how the hell can i keep my head up?
you aren’t gone yet,
but the shelter you gave me is.
i am out in the open
unarmed
defenseless.
my shield is down
so i guess all i can do is keep my head up