I've wasted so many 'I love you's' on the wrong person that I can't say it anymore.

I choke.

Unless, I am drunk.
But let's face it I love everyone when I'm drunk.

I go places where no one knows my name, for once I can live my fantasy of being /THAT/ girl -
mysterious, cool, no one.
And no one knows my flaws.

I go so long being no one I forget my own name,
and I love it.
I relish in the feeling that I can be non-existent without dying.
Because I'd rather be literally anyone than whoever I am right now.
Nobody here knows how terrible I am at communicating my emotions.
How horrible I am.

Leave me alone long enough and I'l create my own friends, family, pets and even love interests.
I will break my own heart in more ways, you'll never know -
You'll never understand!
How lovely and torturous it is to be this lonely.

To go through 5 relationships in one day and to be the source of all your own suffering, yet still find ways to place your anger in a bottle of wine.

You see, because I was never in love with you.
I fell in love with the idea of you.