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Dec 2018
I still whisper prayers for you even on nights when I immediately fall asleep
as my back touches the bed, my head resting on my pillow
But I guess you are the one who’s tired from running inside my head all day
Some days you just walk, back and forth, pacing, hopping, leaping
Until I find you inside my pockets and then inside my chest where I hear all the beating
Some days I wish you would stop because it would mean that I have also stopped
From thinking about you so much but I guess it won’t just yet — you won’t just yet
I still repeat our fleeting moments when I can’t fall asleep
The smell of lavander can fill my room with all its might but once the thought of you pops
This world I belong to has a habit of pausing only to remind me that you have gotten away
On some days, in an old buick by yourself while on other days, in a carriage with the thing that is supposedly beating in my chest
Then I find myself chasing after you only to once again find myself running in circles
In an empty stadium’s tracks — but you’re there. I see you on the bleachers
but I cannot comprehend if you’re waiting for my victory or for my defeat
On some days, that is the problem. There is this uncertainty that envelops the sparkle in you
And oh, if I could only find out what keeps you from being unsure,
I would do everything in my courage to fight it so that you can stop running
And maybe I can start holding your hands when the lights turn green as we begin walking
Hae Sun
Written by
Hae Sun  F
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