Butterflies

This is something I'm going to have to get use to
Our memories fill up the shot glass so fast
I have to take two hits to clear the zone
Just to feel normal like I use to be
I don't want the taste to make a fool of me
But I'll still swallow the pain fluently
the bartender blended the drink "This is life when you're alone"

What's left to give when I gave you my all?
Why did I feel the need to crawl? To get on my hands and knees
When my best friend is the wall. I beg and plead
Cradling me from behind. As I reassure myself from the inside
I want to wander off to sea and drown in my sorrow. I want to die
Mix emotions come to me and collide on the side of
Why did I choose to hide...

Always running away from my problems is this the same guilt
I'm swinging carelessly in the ring, can't even strike or hold the hilt
I'm the pinball machine, motioning the tilt
Can I get an edge around this anxiety
Is there no other variety
I'm just sitting there silently sorting out my sanity
What even is reality?