I realize what the problem is now.
Underneath all of my layers lies a cloud of fear.
In less than a year, I've been hit
heartbreak, death, guilt, shame,
people's disappointment with me.

My disappointment with me.

it's the fear of the next blow,
about falling further down the rabbit hole,
about not seeing my way out,
about making my life shrink further away,
from beauty, love, happiness.

it's fear.

when I was 6, that little girl had no fear.
I was fearless, I was brave.
Now I stand digging my own grave.

how do I shut out the fear?