gulping down the agony
your irises shift like your schizophrenic sister
at the annual Christmas party

alone in a corner
whispering family drama
to air shaped like a person.

you ****** your head forward
like the motion would rattle loose
the thoughts that are stapled inside.

you breathe out in relief
when you find they’re gone
and the only person

you ever have to trust again
is yourself.
sigh out the real truth

you don’t trust yourself
as far as you can throw yourself
and you crash landed into rock bottom.

sometimes you wish you were like your sister
the only friends she needed were in her head
but you can’t get anyone to stay longer than a few months

you think the problem was choosing the wrong people
you just attract the bad ones
but you’re probably the monster

you just can’t see it
who can blame you
you wonder if your sister knows she’s crazy

because in her world she’s probably
the sanest one there
you wonder if she’ll let you visit

book an express ticket to straightjacket town
meet the friends she’s imagined
but feel more real than any friend you’ve ever had.

you realize that she might have to swallow
tic tac imposters on a daily basis
to keep the world inside her

not outside of her
but at least she doesn’t have to be this
lonely.

there are no friends in your head.