I don’t remember when my state of mind stopped depending on me.
I am empty and am filled by the state of the world outside of me.
If the weather is warm and bright I feel warm and full of light.
If it is cold I feel cold inside.
If it is dark I feel like I am already dead.
If it is 5 am and no one is conscious I am lonely.
My feelings are no longer trustworthy. I don’t own them.
I don’t control them.
I am no longer myself.