cupboards clash and bounce
startling my heart
the sounds of this empty house
waking me again

already weary by the very thought of daylight coming in
goosebumps ride my skin
and the compost rotting inside me churns
i tell myself these days will end
but there’s not an end in sight
i
wash myself with bristled brushes
and rinse the pans with care,
watch the water drip through the ceiling
but the neighbors upstairs
aren’t even there

my feet tread circles
small trajectories to map my self contained
madness
stick my head in the oven
just to see how deep the dark goes

let me replace the people i once knew
let me
blanket my misery,
air freshener over mildew
tablecloth soaking up spots of blood
cover my face in make up
to mask the fear
i don’t dare to show