thirty years, it has been
thirty years of pain
thirty years of wondering
thirty years of questioning
thirty years of not knowing
thirty years of crap
just plain old crap
the same crap
over
and over
and over
and over

thirty years

thirty years
of feeling
like
I don't
belong
belong here
belong there
belong anywhere

I'm smart, I've been told
I'm nerdy, I've been told
I have goals, I've been told
I know what I want in life, I've been told

those things I've been told
as if they are bad things
negative things
the wrong things

as if to say
"no, no, no,
you're not cool
unless you're a
lazy unmotivated
*******"

that's not me
never was me
never will be me

so to those
who told me
those things,
the hell
with them

their attitude
stinks worse
than a beer ****