I wore my England shorts today
as a form of camouflage
so that I could remain at large
amongst the crowds of yobs
it's amazing how they can afford so much beer
without having jobs

a group of them approached
asked if I had a light
I said I never smoked
but there's a torch app on my phone
which is pretty bright

then one of the three
roared at me
It's coming home!!
to which I didn't reply
as I went back to my phone
afraid it was some form of mating cry