I forget to breathe deeply. I forget to stand up straight. Why?

What is this weight?

I always end up back here, trapped inside my mind. I know that if I want to accept the sunshine I must also accept the rain.

But this isn’t rain.

This is, no type of weather.

This is, a deep and dark place. Where sometimes I feel so far from reality. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who or what I am. This dark manic confusion, consumes me for a moment and then I force a smile. I thought I left this **** behind me. Nope hello here I am she says. This dark and manic confusion.

And there is rarely pleasure…. Right?
Just suffering...suffering...suffering. And I can’t get out,
Wait where am i?