i did what they told me to.
i sat down,
closed my eyes,
and breathed.
in,
out,
slowly,
repeat.
in this silence,
i felt the weight of That days,
all Those days,
on my chest and shoulders.
i played music,
like you said.
half opened eyes and tears rolling filled the acoustics in my bedroom.
i breathed,
as if it wasn't already hard enough.
i heard and felt my heart breaking over and over,
slower and slower with every breath.
it made me want to stop breathing at all.
if this is what you call "helping me",
i don't want it.
the silence rings in my ears.
i can see myself reading and rereading headlines and texts.
the denial i felt,
the emptiness i felt.
oceans of sadness and grief washed over me, i wanted this to be my end too.
i wanted to stay in bed for as long as i could,
i wanted to drown in my bedsheets and muffled sobs.
i did what they told me to,
to breathe.
i don't want to anymore.