I set the pace of my breathing to match the healing of my heart;
It's painfully slow and I'm not sure how much more it can take.
I watch myself from outside the window
As my chest struggles to rise against your weight.

I'm lying down and she knows how difficult it is for me
Yet she takes another step until both feet are firmly planted on top of my ribcage.
Gravity crushes every glimmer of hope that I had to make it through this task alive.
Once she sees the light leave my eyes she begins to relieve the pressure.

The world around me is hard to discern.
My eyes are unable to frame each detail which engulfs my body,
But when I look at her it's like God himself has washed me clean
And I am able to make out the outline of something I once loved.

But I can't help but to writhe in discomfort as his arms wrap around her waist
While I diligently sweep the floor that they dance across.
My head is drawn down towards the ground in an attempt to spare myself--
It didn't work.

I tried.
Oh god, did I try,
But my limbs became too heavy to withstand the weight of you leaving me,
So I had to slip outside.

This heart feels foreign as it battles for its life.
I do not know her anymore.
Green eyes have become desaturated and all I can envision is a hollowed body.
Are you really doing okay?

If there is a god, or if magic was real I think I'd wish for her to be happy again.
I long to love myself and to feel vibrant in my own skin,
But I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't sacrifice it all
Just to see her truly smile.

Time is elusive and I know this is a dangerous place to be seen in.
It's torturous to toy with the notion that somehow things could've turned out differently,
So I return back to the girl inside the window pane.
She hates me, but I'm not ready to let her go...

I set the pace of my breathing to match the healing of my heart;
It's sluggish and morbid, but it feels like a fresh start.