Congratulations! It’s a girl.
The third girl of three,
To be baptized, to sit at pew surrounded by the congregation,
Who would deem my existence as unworthy.
My entire life a sin, even though my first prayer was to rid this sin of me.
But God did not answer me.
Or I was just too foolish to not listen to him.
My mother promised me something,
When I grow up I can be anything I want.
I decided to be a boy.
Naturally I did not come out of the closet,
The kids in school pulled me out.
Calling by words I did not recognize, “****, ******, Lesbian”
But I was more boy than girl, more Men’s Magazine than Maybelline.
I forcefully swallowed the phrases along with the slurs.
Uncles at reunions eyeing my scraped up knees,
Supposed to be covered by a flowery dress.
A short ponytail in the place of golden locks.
“I didn’t know I had a nephew.”
Aunts picking a my blushing cheeks,
And my female cousins begging to paint my face.
But my whole body’s already painted on.
My genetic makeup contributing the question of my anatomy.
My mother feared for my safety,
Afraid my name would become another hashtag within a second.
Another name whispered in hushed conversations.
Another ******* name of transgender homicide.
I am walking grave with a name painted on to which I do not recognize.
My life dependent on the mercy of hateful strangers,
The minute I walk out the door,
I become a feast for the eyes of strangers.
Confused at my gender expression,
They feast on my queer with hateful slurs.
Maybe someday God will answer my prayers.