i don't know
    where to start...
          mom said
        the words
            would just flow
      she didn't tell me
         that tears would flow
    in their stead.
        clears throat
             i didn't know dad
       more than
          the bottles
             he always kept
       bringing home.
          mom said he was
          always like them
          always shattered
          always empty
          always cold.
             she said
      if i ever get too much,
          i will burn----
        i never got
        to ask if it was
        dad or beer
        she was talking about...
            snicker
     so earlier
         i was looking
       at dad's stuff
             for something to say.
           there was this
                drawer i've never
       even dared to look into
                til yesterday.
           clears throat
       and i found this letter.
               you see
          at first i thought
      this house was too big
             for just one child----
         now i get it.
                hush
            'to my future daughter:'
        clears throat
              'dianthine'
         'before i say'
            'anything else'
              'do you like your name?'
         'we named you after diana'
            'not the roman goddess,'
       'your mother.'
                'we didn't even fight'
           'to find that name'
       'it was perfect.'
          'like you were going to be.'
               'i'm simply sorry.'
      'you had so much'
         'waiting for you.'
            'you were going to be a lawyer'
     'and criminal prosecutor even.'
         'sorry.'
               'you should know'
       'it's my fault.'
             'simply my fault.'
           'but'
              'i'
             'did'
            'not'
           'mean'
         'for'
           'it'
             'to'
         'happen.'
             'but your mother's gone.'
            'your supposed to be mom'
          clears throat
                     'your only mom.'
         'i have to let you know'
               'that i was the one who quit.'
i figured it out immediately
mom's name was diana but,
mom would quit on dad
before he'd ever quit on her...
             let me continue
        ruffles paper
           'i love diana'
       'i need to just outright say it'
                'since i know'
                'that you would'
                'never get to'
                'meet her----'
         'she is perfect,'
      'she was...'
'it's like mercy though, even if you don't;'
'at least you won't get to be raised by some'
           'old'
           '****'
           'like'
           'the'
           'stupid'
           'me.'
     'yes...'
               yes.
'i'm sorry for sourgraping.'
'sorry for not doing anything better.'
        'honestly she'd be the excellent parent'
        'all i'd probably do is talk-----'
        'or keep you from taking up alcohol'
        'or something---- i don't know'
'i'm sorry.'
'i'm sorry.'
             clears throat
                           'i'm sorry'
                           'i'm sorry'
              tightens paper
       'i don't know what else to say, dianthine.'
'i never told diana this, but...'
           'i was really hoping to meet you'
     'but i promise you this.'
                'if it is not diana'
         'if it's not someone'
      'as perfectly fantastic'
   'as your supposed to be mother----'
              'and if its not you.'
         sobs
           'if it's not as brilliant'
       'or dashing'
              sobs
                'as we hoped you'd be...'
             'then there's no point.'
        'i'm sorry.'
   'i'm sorry.'
               whimpers
            sorry
      clears throat
              dad gave me a ghost
    not his...
          i've always thought
       danthein was too weird
             for a guy's name
     i guess i was just that ghost
that haunted my dad...
i'm sorry
       sobs
  folds paper
            sorry dad, but i have to say
       you may have failed
           in everything that makes
              a good parent----
you succeeded
in one thing,
it might have
been a simple thing
        but you got it right:
               you were a father.