Your promises
keep me alive.
Your commandments
saved me - literally, i might add.
if it weren't for You, i would
be dead.

i still do.
want to be dead, that is.
the urge never quite goes away.
i live with it like
a life sentence,
except i never actually committed
the ******.

does not killing myself
make me a coward or a hero?
does not killing myself
make me selfless or selfish?