My grandmother always told me to not forget
To pray
When I lie down for the night,
And when I awake.

"Thank him," she says,
But what if I need to plead,
Like God, please point,
Please lead.

Lately my chest has been
Heavy, hurting
As if something's knocking and breaking in -
Maybe my anxiety trying to find a permanent home

How do you shut a door that flung itself open
Without your approval?
How do you properly thank God
When your words are no longer found easily out in the open?

"When you wake up, don't forget to thank Him," she'd say
And I'll never know
If it was my instinct to knock the conversation down
Or the desire within me when I'd nod my head sure
Knowing **** well that my first thoughts in the morning
Are always enveloped in being anxious and unsure.