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Mar 2018
I know that you like it
But i hate it
I ******* hate it
But you like it when i hate it
You may win this game
But i win at life
I stayed on this Earth
I chose life
I stayed. Alive

Oh depression
I ******* love you too
Every time you mess up my mind
Take my breath away
Haunts me like humidity and dandruff in my hair
When i haven't got the motivation to wash it for weeks
Oh it strangles me like a cat

In a dark night
During your favourite time of the day
You worst nightmare
Silence cannot save you
But they see you
They see the most vulnerable parts of you
And they laugh
Boy they laugh
'Cause well **** it
They don't understand
The pain
The dying
The fighting back
How are you so brave and strong
Just getting out of bed in the morning
Which sometimes
I don't
I can't
I lay on bed
Until i know i'd miss my train
Then i'd miss school
Then i'd feel ****
Helpless
You know
I don't have a choice
It's like both paths are full of monsters
And you linger at the cross-section
Until the lava consumes you

Anxiety I'd marry you if i could
And keep you up all night
On our wedding night
To give you the sweetest taste of your own medicine
Shut all windows
And fill the room with hydrogen cyanide
I'd die with you if i have to

Oh honey you know you have hobbies too
Things that get you passionate, excited
You know
Once you were a happy person too
But those things
Be it reading
Catching up on your favourite shows
Go for a run, swim, hike
Bake treats with the aroma of home...

You shut everyone out
Convincing yourself that you only let people down
Telling yourself all the mean things you will never tell another soul
Because you know
It hurts
Those things aren't exciting
Nor do they give you passion
Your happiness has expired
Longer than the milk in your refrigerator
All you do is sleep
You either eat way too much or starve for days
You cry
You scream
You cover the scars on your arm
You either are in desperate need of attention
Or you avoid everyone and everything

We are all so young
So damaged
But baby it's okay
You're doing good
You are fighting with every last breath
You are still alive
And living comes with possibilities and new opportunities
You wouldn't wanna miss out of those
Would you?
Baby it's okay
I'm okay.
Love a suicidal person while they're still alive.
Esther
Written by
Esther  21/F/In Your Memories
(21/F/In Your Memories)   
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