Feb 2018
A careless comment made without a second thought.
A whim with hidden selfish intent.
Saying you'll listen, but stopping me as I start to speak,
Unable to look into my eyes as I weep.
Only liking me when I'm smiling and energetic.
You say that's not true, but look at your actions.
What's your voice really saying?
Shaken and scared, I ask you to comfort me.
Picking and choosing my words carefully, as you fail to understand the meaning.
Seeing how insignificant myself and others are,
Why do I keep trying when their true faces are so ugly?
"Don't judge a book by it's cover", yet beauty has nothing to do with intent.
The colors I try to paint turn into a black puddle seeping at my feet.
"Isn't it beautiful?" I ask. They nod, not even acknowledging the hidden message.
Upon returning home, I set the canvas ablaze.
"No one listens when I truly speak what I mean. They want a grey lie, constructed carefully with a trying smile, not this ugly black sin.
All of them.
All of them.
"I'm listening."
"I'll be there."
"You're safe."
"You can trust me."
"I love you."
Withdrawn, I humor your words with an analytical expression.
You deny any subtle suggestion of fault, pressing further down the rabbit hole I've expelled you from, and yet you wonder why we aren't close.
I lose my patience and break you off, returning to a slumber where I choke from a lie that truly hits my core.
You, the only person who truly matters,
taken away in a squad car when we had just stopped for ice cream.
These unfamiliar faces take you away, saying it's unacceptable.
I reflect as I wait for your trial, trying to break you free.
I realize that this world must be wrong, with it's gaze cast full of judgement.
My eyes cloud with tears as I realize my sins, my hypocrisy.
I'm no better, yet I can't help but scream as they take you away.
Do I really have a right?
This hatred I have for those who pin the vulnerable,
The unacceptable.
Are my actions really any different?
Shaken, I focus these inward emotions into an explosion.
The red on the canvas fades to black, and I camouflage into the city nightscape.
A whim with hidden selfish intent.
Saying you'll listen, but stopping me as I start to speak,
Unable to look into my eyes as I weep.
Only liking me when I'm smiling and energetic.
You say that's not true, but look at your actions.
What's your voice really saying?
Shaken and scared, I ask you to comfort me.
Picking and choosing my words carefully, as you fail to understand the meaning.
Seeing how insignificant myself and others are,
Why do I keep trying when their true faces are so ugly?
"Don't judge a book by it's cover", yet beauty has nothing to do with intent.
The colors I try to paint turn into a black puddle seeping at my feet.
"Isn't it beautiful?" I ask. They nod, not even acknowledging the hidden message.
Upon returning home, I set the canvas ablaze.
"No one listens when I truly speak what I mean. They want a grey lie, constructed carefully with a trying smile, not this ugly black sin.
All of them.
All of them.
"I'm listening."
"I'll be there."
"You're safe."
"You can trust me."
"I love you."
Withdrawn, I humor your words with an analytical expression.
You deny any subtle suggestion of fault, pressing further down the rabbit hole I've expelled you from, and yet you wonder why we aren't close.
I lose my patience and break you off, returning to a slumber where I choke from a lie that truly hits my core.
You, the only person who truly matters,
taken away in a squad car when we had just stopped for ice cream.
These unfamiliar faces take you away, saying it's unacceptable.
I reflect as I wait for your trial, trying to break you free.
I realize that this world must be wrong, with it's gaze cast full of judgement.
My eyes cloud with tears as I realize my sins, my hypocrisy.
I'm no better, yet I can't help but scream as they take you away.
Do I really have a right?
This hatred I have for those who pin the vulnerable,
The unacceptable.
Are my actions really any different?
Shaken, I focus these inward emotions into an explosion.
The red on the canvas fades to black, and I camouflage into the city nightscape.
