I was set aside by my own accord.
  I chose to live in a world of subtle   loneliness,
hiding who I was,
remaining hidden in the shadows of
ever green hope and dismal
sorrow.


I hid from love.
    I hid from affection.
   I hid in fear of risk,
    and I couldn't, for
  risk brought me too much pain.

My prowess kept me away,
it let me leave without as much
as a glimpse being slipped
back in the direction of
my betrayal.

****** and battered.
Weeping and crying.
That's what it took, but
you accepted that.
You embraced it for the
sake of my sanity,
for the sake of love.

    You gave in, and I
  wanted to run, just
   as I always had.

I prepared for it.
Your words frightened me,
but your actions only did worse.
Your kindness was beyond
that of another that I had ever met.

  That's when I planned to
take my leave, but when
I turned on my heel,
when I took a few steps away,
I
  Hesitated.

That's when you had me,
that's when I knew I couldn't leave,
but I had to.
Didn't I?

It's all I knew.
  I only knew to leave
when there was good
because sooner or later
there would be only be pain.

That's all there ever was,
and I was to blame.

You waited for me, and
I shakily turned around,
obliging to the pull
you had over me.

I'd been there before, but there you were,
and in that moment I knew I
wouldn't have to run away;
I knew you made
me feel something deep and raw,
something that only natural emotions
could restore in my fractured
mind and heart.

I risked it;
I wasn't afraid of the outcome,
for being away from you
suffocated me
more than any small space could,
more than any wave that rolled
over me in
an endless cycle could.