That kiss. That wet kiss under the sprinklers set me up to fall for more like you.
The way I could wrap my arms around your lean body and feel the crease in the spine.
I broke my lip on your braces once.
Between the sheets, the cheats, the lies, and the love I thought we had.
The first I touched.
For two and a half years I held onto you, you were all I knew, and you were a part of my heart.
An extension of my expression toward you.
You never told me the truth.
I felt everything from thirst to bloodlust, I thought it was love.
Until you told me the truth.
What I went through was 8 months of questioning and searching for closure behind closed doors.
The anxiety of wondering if you were with another, your ex, you, holding her in your arms.
I had to go to therapy to cope with the abandonment, the harassment, and the divorce my parents were going through.
I asked her how could I fix you.
All you said were lies.
And through all of the lies I was blind to the truth.
Forcibly I told myself you were not hiding from me.
I tried to believe.
With every logical cell in my body, telling me,
“Stop believing”
“He's deceiving”
“He's a crazy liar” And my heart was on fire.
Because you abused me.
What else can I say.

8 months.

Those 8 months of not knowing how to move on.
You implanted your roots of evil, sprouting already dead flowers inside my head. Posing a threat,
to my values and beliefs. Every man who wanted me
wanted my body. They wanted my gullible personality.
Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I don't know how to scream. Just because I'm locked up doesn't mean I don't have a key.
You could say it was my choice to stay that long
2 AND A HALF YEARS
is all it takes to realize where I went wrong.
2 AND A HALF YEARS
it took me to notice your sick, twisted, wicked, vile mind go to work on your greatest specimen, me.
I. Will be. The greatest thing. You ever did conceive.