i am not okay
it is that simple

i left three of my classes today just to go breathe in the bathroom so my peers wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes and i could stick to the lie that i'm doing fine without you

my day was **** because i saw you and you seem better than you've been in a long time and the fact you're so happy kills me to the point where i dont want to even look at you, but at the same time i'm glad you're doing well because i feel like hell and you dont deserve that

i kept thinking of you on the ride home and couldn't stop crying because your laugh just replayed in my head and the boy next to me wouldn't stop asking what was wrong but i told him nothing and his comforting pat on the shoulder just made me flinch  

i say i'm doing okay but my close friends see right through it so they hug my shaking shoulders and hold my trembling hands because they know how much i cared about you and how much this has hurt me

i dont want to go to school because i am afraid to see you because it ******* hurts not being able to hug you, feel your lips against mine, or even just talk about the **** going on in our lives

i wouldn't erase our memories from my head but if there was a pill that could fast forward time to the point where i am over you and the thought of you doesn't make me feel ******* miserable i would have swallowed five by now

i am not okay
it is just that simple

s.s