You'd never guess by the fake smile...
I wear during the day..
That there are still some nights..
That still linger with you not far behind..
Where my dreams are out of reach..
Where sleep is nothing...
but a hilarious joke..

So I stay up..
Wide eyed..
With nothing but time that's not even on my side..
  Where I have silent conversations with God...

I'm no longer mad at him...
For our brutal end...
No more blame lives in my veins...
He took my pain and set it to the side...

Everything of yours is gone...
Except for the last memory you left me with...
That still has the ability to haunt me from time to time...
Still so permanently stained in my mind..

Where you took me by the hand..
Where you pulled me close..
Where my body welcomed and followed..
Your every command just like each and every time..

When you pressed your lips against mine..
and I got swept up like the tide...
When I was so engulfed by your sea of lies...

So blinded by what you convinced me was real...
That our love was real...
That I never saw it coming...
That devastating blow by your own hand..
Where you took that knife..
You had been holding this entire time..
Waiting for just the right time..
To..
Shove it straight through me..
Turning and leaving me on a dime..


I'm sure you could imagine me...
A ****** mess clutching to my bleeding chest..
Drowning in a sea of sorrow you left Behind...
You know..
It's that exact moment..
Where your heart breaks in two..
You experience a pain even words... Could never fully explain..

It was there for me in that moment.. That I felt myself fading..
It was then, in that very moment..
When your thoughts become crazed and rationale cannot be found..
When you're about to give in to.. Anything that will stop the pain that is living inside...

Almost succumbing to my pain..
I closed my eyes...
I whispered to the only man I knew would understand me at the time...

God...
He was the only thing that saved me that day...

So..
If you ever get around to knowing him One day...
Ask him...
Ask him, how I really felt that day...

I can picture it now..
Forgiveness and understanding in his eyes..
As he says to you..
"She loved you in ways you'd never understand."
"She loved you to the best and fullest of her hearts ability."
"Watching you walk away to her, was like a repeat of each and every goodbye, but all at once."
"She fought hard, and fiercely for you.
"She gave more to you than you will ever know existed inside her."