tonight I just want to tell you how I'm lonely
how I'm here worse than I thought I was
so instead I grab a blanket and some cigarettes and fake a smile and force myself to be cool
loneliness is a ****** thing
creeping up when I didn't ask it to
like unpaid bills and shoulder pain
how can I be frustrated and sad when I never asked you to stay?
I just continue to do this to myself
open up my heart, confuse happiness with temporary bliss and stumble into a mirror only to see my aching soul screaming back at me
I wonder sometimes, like I have for years, if this feeling will ever go away
if I will ever be able to truly tell myself,
I'm okay