His name is a compulsion
It's his name that comes to the tongue first
Was it love?
I used to think so but probably not
Love isn't suppose to crumble so suddenly
I am embarrassed by it now
I wish I had kept quiet
Let myself go up in flames and down in ashes
Because now the humiliation is too much to bare
Why do I only love him when I am sad
Why does my depression cause me to gravitate to him with such need for comfort
I don't love him
I love the distraction that comes with him
I never loved him
I loved the idea of him