Some evenings I'll catch myself
looking through all of the grey
messages you gave me at night
and everything goes numb and

I can smell your laundry detergent
and see the way you could not tie
shoe laces and all your sweaters
were always dark colours and oh

how well they fit your neck and
your eyelashes held snowflakes
as if they loved them so and you'd
devour depressed books because

sad made you happy and I made
you happy too you always told me
often enough that I believed you
and we always missed the sunset

and you would drag your fingernails
across my shoulders while grinning
I loved it, you knew it burned my skin
and you would slam cupboard doors

by accident, you never meant to do it.
You would notice afterward and laugh
at yourself because it made you forget
that you hated everything about you

that was something I never forgot but
it never did anyone any **** good
because you slipped away so quietly
and suddenly there wasn't any more

slamming cupboard doors.