I have never been good at talking. I spend my words frugally, As if they are limited— As if they conform to some currency— To hide behind the dam that holds back The river waiting to burst through my mind Out into my eyes. But I hold back. It seems that no matter where I hide my heart Someone ends up finding it— Pointing a finger To assign guilt, And don't get me wrong, For, I am guilty. But I hold back. Waiting— Waiting for my time alone To let my dam unfold, To let the scars free From my soul. Not many understand What it feels to genuinely hate Your own being In the essence of your stone cold Broken heart— But even still, I bottle up, And hold back Wishing away the hope of another “fresh start.” Even as still, However, as I sit waiting— The dam doesn't break apart; It just sits and waits— Waits to hit me hardest When I can't take the punches, When I lose my balance, When there is none other than one escape— If you could even call death an escape.