Why
Do I always mess things up?
Turning
Friendship into crush into lack of said friendship.
I
Do not intentionally like those who seem to get me best,
But I,
Do not know how to not mess this up.
I
do not know how to not like her.
See I,
I have a girl crush.
The first since I was 15
So please
Don't take this, or my feelings too lightly;
And,
Because I'm not in a rush to
Tell her how I feel
I
Manage to be complacent with her friendship,
And her company.
See she
Could either become my best friend,
Or my nothing.
Because girl crushes,
For me,
Have always been nothing but unrealistic
Feelings unrequited,
Unreturned,
Unsatisfied;
So I
Shovel them into the mass grave of
Thoughts
And emotions
In hope that,
One day,
She'll dig them up like buried treasure
And treasure them
As if they were her own.
But how
Will she ever find their tombstone
If she doesn't even know what she's looking for?
Lost,
I ask for Her advice.
She
Always seems to have the best advice:
"follow your heart." she offers to me,
But,
Little does she know that means I would have to follow her all day and
I
Don't care much for being a shadow.
I
Ask her how to tell someone the truth about my emotions and she answers:
"With honesty"
And honesty
May always be the best policy for her,
But for me,
Only lies are worth living while I
Lay with someone else,
And the lies I tell myself.
So she
Stays in the dark of my feelings
And the real questions I want to ask
Like
"Should I let us remain friends? Or should I try to make us more?"
Make me
Into
Her companion
A
Two girl coven
With no room
For anything other than magic
And unmade memories
An
Empty grimoire
Filled with
Blank Polaroids,
Uncast spells,
And unspoken words
Of feelings unshared.
I
Don't mind the idea of a relationship unhad
But my brain
flickers like a broken street light
In warning that my feelings towards others are only fake
Refusing to let me ignore that he
Is nowhere close to she,
And that she
Will never truly care for me.
Not so long as she is oblivious,
And I am dishonest.