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Kitten Yvad Jul 2019
You don't know
how good it feels
that it stopped
in my heart

before it
blazed me apart

you dont know
how good it feels

i was burning and it
was silly, we are silly, yes



though my scorched
skin was eerily real

like a dream i made up
and I couldn't
un-make up
now finally de-materializing
from wood and steel




i dreamt fervently forever
of you holding me

then i dreamt of being able
to step away
begged, cried, pleaded, if only
for a few minutes per day

intoxicated and unsettled
you gripped me
hurt me held me i know
you didnt mean
to hit me

you don't know
how good it feels


not to be addicted and
choked up and missing you
intoxicated by your scent





haunted by
the things i will never forget
of you

they held themselves
over my head

you dont know what its like
to suddenly wake
away, out of that bed




there are things
i now know of you
ill always remember

you do glow so softly

but in this alternate dimension
you burned me, with kisses, to
ashes and embers

you dont know
how good it feels
not to be rendered defenseless

by your love
when that is not
your actual intention

love, you dont know
how good it feels
to leave this
accidental dimension
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
Why
Do I always mess things up?
Turning
Friendship into crush into lack of said friendship.
I
Do not intentionally like those who seem to get me best,
But I,
Do not know how to not mess this up.
I
do not know how to not like her.
See I,
I have a girl crush.
The first since I was 15
So please
Don't take this, or my feelings too lightly;
And,
Because I'm not in a rush to
Tell her how I feel
I
Manage to be complacent with her friendship,
And her company.
See she
Could either become my best friend,
Or my nothing.
Because girl crushes,
For me,
Have always been nothing but unrealistic
Feelings unrequited,
Unreturned,
Unsatisfied;
So I
Shovel them into the mass grave of
Thoughts
And emotions
In hope that,
One day,
She'll dig them up like buried treasure
And treasure them
As if they were her own.
But how
Will she ever find their tombstone
If she doesn't even know what she's looking for?
Lost,
I ask for Her advice.
She
Always seems to have the best advice:
"follow your heart." she offers to me,
But,
Little does she know that means I would have to follow her all day and
I
Don't care much for being a shadow.
I
Ask her how to tell someone the truth about my emotions and she answers:
"With honesty"
And honesty
May always be the best policy for her,
But for me,
Only lies are worth living while I
Lay with someone else,
And the lies I tell myself.
So she
Stays in the dark of my feelings
And the real questions I want to ask
Like
"Should I let us remain friends? Or should I try to make us more?"
Make me
Into
Her companion
A
Two girl coven
With no room
For anything other than magic
And unmade memories
An
Empty grimoire
Filled with
Blank Polaroids,
Uncast spells,
And unspoken words
Of feelings unshared.
I
Don't mind the idea of a relationship unhad
But my brain
flickers like a broken street light
In warning that my feelings towards others are only fake
Refusing to let me ignore that he
Is nowhere close to she,
And that she
Will never truly care for me.
Not so long as she is oblivious,
And I am dishonest.
Complacency doesn't have to be negative, does it?

— The End —