You will never understand,
How my legs start to shake whenever I'm in an uncomfortable situation.
You will never understand,
That crying makes me feel better when I'm overthinking about everything.
You will never understand,
That I feel icky anytime I feel like a burden to you.
You will never understand,
How your words hurt me even when you don't mean them, that they will play in my head over and over again like song lyrics and even when I paint a smile onto my face, those words will haunt me in my dreams.
You will never understand,
That this depression will stay with me for years and I know that eventually you will get tired of it and me and want to leave, so I push you away every chance I get so I don't get hurt.
But I'm hurting.
I'm always hurting.
I'm sorry.
You will never understand,
That I apologize for everything because everything will always be my fault. I'll  blame my depression, my anxiety, I'll even blame the wall before I ever blame you, because I love you.
One thing I've figured out is that, you will never understand.