I want you to choose me
choose me every time.
I want you to love me like I love me
And see me how I want to be seen
I want to stop picking up the pieces
and putting me back together again.
I don't understand why it can't be you this time.
Or why I can't stop shattering

Why I can't just feel until it feels wrong and turn back around.
I want to stop getting ready for flight
I want to stop looking for the green light
saying "run already tiara"

I am tired
the type of tired that sleep wont help.
the type of tired that wants a nap soon after waking
the type of tired that wakes depression
the type of anxiety that gives way to exhaustion.
I want to focus on me without having to constantly hold the pieces together when the sun comes up
just to drown myself in river come night.

I want to stop being scared when I feel happy with him...
like his heart is going to leave
I want to stop being scared of love
because you gave yours to me and that's not something I'd ever want again ...
because it brought me back here
cleaning up this mess again
words running through my head again
almost lovers to let go of
almost truths that I can't hold onto.
all those whispers leaving cracks within something that I built strength into.
I am so tired of shattering.
And trying to stay strong so that no one knows that I want you to hold  me.