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Jun 2012
I feel like my inability to tie shoes in Kindergarten was symbolic
Because that was the year I learned to cut strings
Rather than to knot them into something elegant

And now I wish I had been taught with all of the other children

Because if I had
Maybe I would have known
Than to take the red string
That kept him tied to me
And cut it

If I had
Maybe instead
I would have known
How to tie us

But I didn't
And I couldn't

And now I'm completely
In my repulsion
For having
Done it

But at the time
It seemed so rational

Because the string was cutting off my circulation

Because I felt trapped
And claustrophobic
And tied down

Because when I was five
I was too busy playing with balloons
Rather than learning how to tie my shoes

And because
When I let go of my balloon at that festival
After I had finished crying
And once it had disappeared behind the clouds
I concluded that strings are meant to be cut
Because when you hold onto them
You disable flight

(I wanted to fly)

But I was only five

And my theory didn't account for
anything that wasn't lighter than air

And I'm heavy hearted
I did it
And now I'm finally free
But I've never felt more
Like I can't breathe
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