I feel like my inability to tie shoes in Kindergarten was symbolic
Because that was the year I learned to cut strings
Rather than to knot them into something elegant

And now I wish I had been taught with all of the other children

Because if I had
Maybe I would have known
Better
Than to take the red string
That kept him tied to me
And cut it

If I had
Maybe instead
I would have known
How to tie us
Into
Something
Beautiful


But I didn't
And I couldn't

And now I'm completely
Consumed
In my repulsion
For having
Done it
All
Intentionally

But at the time
It seemed so rational

Because the string was cutting off my circulation

Because I felt trapped
And claustrophobic
And tied down

Because when I was five
I was too busy playing with balloons
Rather than learning how to tie my shoes

And because
When I let go of my balloon at that festival
After I had finished crying
And once it had disappeared behind the clouds
I concluded that strings are meant to be cut
Because when you hold onto them
You disable flight

(I wanted to fly)

But I was only five

And my theory didn't account for
anything that wasn't lighter than air

And I'm heavy hearted