today i went to a therapist
with all my answers rehearsed
and i didn't say "good afternoon"
instead, i told her i'm sorry
that i was going to waste her time -
and the walls of that beautiful room
listened to me for the first time
talking about

how rarely i remember to take a shower
(and i do it only when i stink)
how ashamed i feel that i laugh too much
(but it was only to please people)
how embarrasing is to say that i was *****
(but i also wanted attention from them)
how dizzy i feel when i'm in a crowded place
(i've always thought that i'm autistic)
how merciless overthinking can be
(and it plays in my head like a broken record)

and i started crying