July 15, 2017
Athazagoraphobia: The fear of forgetting , being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced

That word explains one of my greatest fears
The one that constantly makes me burst into tears
Maybe it’s just me and my habit of overthinking
Overthinking…
The only thing I do
It’s what makes me split into two
Because the other side of me feels that there’s more being offered to me from life
But the other wants to drag me down and isolate myself from others because I felt like I’m living a lie
My fear is eating me slowly, piece by piece as it is not a race
Being forgotten like the past that everyone wants to erase
Being ignored like the plants that want to grow but couldn’t be showered with love
Being neglected like the old toys that kids shove into a corner, because the new ones are the only one that they speak of
I have people around me that feel like they are doing their best for me
But I’m selfish and I want more because my boarders are harder to knock down than just finding something like a key
The borders that were built up so strong filled up insecurities, disappointments, and fears
Funny, I already feel my future will just be overflowed with a couple of beers
Maybe light a few cigarettes on cold nights
And take a risk of sitting on high heights
Because within these walls that I build, I feel that the only two people left are the Devil and I
Telling me that it’s time to go and die
That I can’t be here no longer
Time is up and all will not be any better
I give him no reply…
Not because I am shy
But because I have killed my inner self to start anew at least three times already
I’m here, still alive today
Even if I constantly feel the fear of being ignored, it’s okay
There will always be a bay
Filled with people that have no walls
Where I can feel a sense of belong, loved, cared and with them I can stand tall
Although the fear always kicks in to my stomach, my face, my soul, and mind
I’ll be on my grind
Because that other part of me is still fighting and believes there’s so much more
I’ll then start myself for being the reason that I will fight for
I’ll go against my demon and start a war
As I have stood and roared
Because I’m sick of the walls that restrict not only me, but the people who genuinely love me for who I am
That fear that can easily think that it could conquer me, is wrong because I am no simple lamb
Once I have finished my battle
I will then go around and make my words rattle
Hoping that I will one day be able to help others
So I can help bring more colours
Into the lives of many, by starting with me sharing my own story
I want myself and others to not worry
But I don’t want to get ahead of myself as I still have a long way to go
I still need to spiritually and mentally grow and know
That as of now, I lift my chin up and smile
It’s of time that I try to change my lifestyle
So here I go again…
May my happiness contain with lovely and fond memories that will always make me feel like I have something to gain