Jul 2017
Derailed again through twisted train of thought,
brings me to my knees,crippled through racing mind self shame to myself I've brought.
Faster faster it races on with non logical ideas to cause pain.
My head brings dark clouds fog thunderstorms with rain.
A tsunami like a virus it's spread, infected my very wake.
So I climbed off this faster carriage to try to give myself a break.
Numbing all takes every ounce of strength,
yearning within my very soul ill goes to any length.
Paralyzed with fear of family alone, if I suceed with ending it all.
Dead inside now a numbed feeling to help me cope, I feel sick.
These cold railway tracks rusted damp and twisted lay up ahead confront me.
I no i have to board again soon as this was an unscheduled stop,
no waiting platform for me to be welcomed by a loved one.
Alone I fight it, legs heavy, each step forward weighed down by quicksand .
I have to rise, the world is spinning,
spoken words from others jumbled.
Unable to concentrate enough to speak words to form sentances not jumbled.
Again I board the train it gains speed,
the outlook from the window a haze of green as trees and field zoom past at lightening speed.
I close my eyes ,I can hear the rattling of carriages, the wheels grinding along the track.
clackaty clack clackaty clack.
So I sit back slumped in the corner of the carriage.
I visualise my life flash before my closed eyes within my mind.
It makes sense now, I need to filter the good the bad the ugly from my subconscious.
Clear my mind wipe it blank.start again.
Trapped within the comfort of this carriage I now relax almost feel safe.I've let go.
My destination is uncertain but I will not quit.
This steel coffin upon wheels that I once perceived to be the end slows,
cla ckty c l a c k cal ckty c l a c k.
it stops I disembark.
It's then I realize I am the driver of my own train of thought. me.
Me in the driving seat alone.me.
I can control it.me
I will do it me.
My life a new platform awaits me.
I hope it is all the positives I percieve it to be.
I can do this.me.
I am now free.
brings me to my knees,crippled through racing mind self shame to myself I've brought.
Faster faster it races on with non logical ideas to cause pain.
My head brings dark clouds fog thunderstorms with rain.
A tsunami like a virus it's spread, infected my very wake.
So I climbed off this faster carriage to try to give myself a break.
Numbing all takes every ounce of strength,
yearning within my very soul ill goes to any length.
Paralyzed with fear of family alone, if I suceed with ending it all.
Dead inside now a numbed feeling to help me cope, I feel sick.
These cold railway tracks rusted damp and twisted lay up ahead confront me.
I no i have to board again soon as this was an unscheduled stop,
no waiting platform for me to be welcomed by a loved one.
Alone I fight it, legs heavy, each step forward weighed down by quicksand .
I have to rise, the world is spinning,
spoken words from others jumbled.
Unable to concentrate enough to speak words to form sentances not jumbled.
Again I board the train it gains speed,
the outlook from the window a haze of green as trees and field zoom past at lightening speed.
I close my eyes ,I can hear the rattling of carriages, the wheels grinding along the track.
clackaty clack clackaty clack.
So I sit back slumped in the corner of the carriage.
I visualise my life flash before my closed eyes within my mind.
It makes sense now, I need to filter the good the bad the ugly from my subconscious.
Clear my mind wipe it blank.start again.
Trapped within the comfort of this carriage I now relax almost feel safe.I've let go.
My destination is uncertain but I will not quit.
This steel coffin upon wheels that I once perceived to be the end slows,
cla ckty c l a c k cal ckty c l a c k.
it stops I disembark.
It's then I realize I am the driver of my own train of thought. me.
Me in the driving seat alone.me.
I can control it.me
I will do it me.
My life a new platform awaits me.
I hope it is all the positives I percieve it to be.
I can do this.me.
I am now free.
I often battle with demons within my mind. I have tried to link racing thoughts with a train journey.
