I can't love you
not like this
I still covet
a stranger's kiss,
a stolen glance,
a loving touch:
these small things
I crave so much.
I have cheated
I've betrayed
I've handed
my heart away
to ghostly pleasures,
phantom hands,
small gestures
in great demand.
How can I
stand here and say
I'll love you
till our last day?
How can I
pretend to be
everything
you need from me?
I am faulty.
I am weak.
Beyond you,
there's more I seek.
Grasp for goodness
with the palms
that once lifted
up in psalms
of greater love,
a higher call
Before I had
offered it all
Laid my life
before the wood
that showed me
unchanging good
within myself.
I can't compute
why my heart
and body mute
themselves to reason
shut out thoughts
of what I am
and what I'm not.
I can love you
faulty still
my heart is heavy
but I will
try my best
sustained by grace
to love you before
I see your face.