But everyone sees this fake facade of me
Not knowing how I really be
Always wanting to cut my skin red
And even some nights just put a gun to my head

But as long as the publics happy, as long as yall are cool
Yall don't see the pain inside me the grown into a beast
A beast that never can be tammed
Who would ever love a ****** girl like me?

The one who says she's "happy", one who says she's "fine"
When in reality all I don't want is to be confined
Pushed into a dark corner, force to see no light
Suffocated by the darkness, slowly adapting

All I wanted was to feel someone's touch
But instead I feel the touch of the bottle pressed against my lips

I wish people could view me as a person who isn't
 happy, secure, and well balanced

Not seeing the darkness underneath

The same darkness that tells me to pick up the knife
And slice the blue apple into a million parts
Praying for myself to pick up the pieces
Before these dark thoughts overcome me

Continuing the cycle of self-abuse
Knowing that no one will ever love me
Because how can they when I don't love myself

Myself that I've been with for X amount of years
I don't know why Im still crying these same **** tears
The tears of emptiness and no emotions
That manifests to loneliness

The feeling of common feelings
That heartache and irrational
Thoughts and figures that appear

I know that death is easy, sounds like pure bliss
However the darkness of the smoke fills my head
It clouds even the easiest parts of me

The very same smoke that suffocates me as I slowly adapt
That's pushed me into a dark corner where the light doesn't reach
Confined by the reality that I don't want to be in

"She not okay, she's not happy nor fine"

The ****** girl that will never find love
Transforms into a beast that has been freed
That uses its pain to feed off of
To avoid depriving the publics happiness to feed on

Some nights I want to use the gun instead
And start to see my pretty skin turn red
But I don't know how it's really suppose to be
To live in a word without the fake facade of me.