Clenching my teeth,
I cringe while you read my old poems.
Ahhhhh!
That's not me!
I swear!
I've changed!
I'm not so immature!
There would be nothing more satisfying
than crumbling that shit up
and showing you how great I am.
But those poems are the legs I stand on.
I can't cut them off, can I?
Those awful poems!
Sporn from longing and lust -
I called it "love" -
my cranky post-grad years,
living with my parents,
and working minimum wage jobs...
all I hide is there, for you to see;
most people don't look.
I want to erase it all!
I sometimes hope my old poems
are accidentally thrown away.
Then I wouldn't be at fault for
all those lost thoughts.
I don't want you to read them,
but I just can't rid myself of them!
Even now,
when those reflections seem far from the truth.
I hoard them. They are pasted on my mirror.
So I stand,
begrudgingly transparent.
Front to back, see through
and scared shitless you'll
discover I'm not perfect
in this personality economy;
I prepare my list of apologies:
Sorry I'm scarred
Sorry I'm chopped
Sorry I'm screwed.
So please —
don't talk about my old poems.
Let's pretend you haven't read them.