I can do this
I think to myself

I can go through life without really living

This week I read the signs sent off by someone else
And opened her up to talk to me
She told me of
A house she'd thought was haunted by ghosts, but may just have been haunted by the child she never got to be
Of how she'd stay up through nights to put her siblings to bed, of the infestations of bugs that made her afraid to sleep, of the dark, huge basement filled with feral cats that her mom sent her down into all alone

I was there for her
I can do that
I can go through life as a listener, a sponge for other people's pain

It's a half-life but it's a half-life with a purpose
Even if I can't feel, can't breathe, choking,
death's girl walking
There will be meaning to it all that will force me to stand
To show up to my own life every day
Because you can't run away when other people need you to absolve their pain

I can do this
I tell myself

It's no way to live but at least
It's something to live for