i never told you this, but: i didn’t want to say “yes” when you asked me on our first date. i was thinking of someone in buffalo who was (at the same time) making playlists with my name in the title and sending me poems in the mail. you were just on my periphery, something of a backup – until you weren’t, until you were everything.
all summer, we were just kids kissing on the beach just sweaty palms, just chasing trains -- until suddenly it became running down the hallway of the hospital and sneaking into the radiology ward, losing my mind in the waiting room and holding your hand, twisted up in tubes. i’ll never forget the way you looked at me that week and i’ll always remember making out in the x-ray room, the nurses on the other side of the door and wondering if the man behind the divider could hear you when you told me you loved me for the first time
the truth is: it’s not fair that you stopped wanting me and started wanting her, just because she was convenient and i was far away
maybe one day i’ll stop being angry, maybe it’ll stop feeling like someone pulled all my bones from the sockets, maybe one day i’ll stop missing you so much and maybe, someday, my body will stop feeling like a burial ground
but in this moment, like a stupid animal, my heart is still waiting for you to come home.