I feel strange,
Like I'm empty.
Like I'm grieving,
But you have to have
before you can grieve.

I feel empty.
It's strange,
Irrational really.
I'm grieving what never was;
What never will.

Where did you go?
One moment you were here,
The next, I don't know.
You'd have to be around
for me to know.

Where'd you go?
You don't speak anymore
And I haven't seen you.
Not even in passing;
Not even in my dreams.

Why'd you leave?
I'm sorry if I'm hard to read,
But I don't understand
Why you were here;
Then not.

Like a gust of wind you left.
I've never had much luck
With the burden of Love.
So I thought, maybe this time: yes!
Maybe this time: really.

To confess:
Love makes me sick,
Butterflies are replaced by nausea
And it was hard to let you in.
Did you know that about me?

If you did would you have tried?
Maybe you would have seen
How much I really gave you.
By this time I'm usually gone,
My heart a vagabond on the run.  

I realize how built up I am,
I know I'm hard to love.  
But I built a space for you-
The best I could so soon.
Instead, you left it alone; shut.

There's only so much I could give.
It may not have been much,
But this time I didn't run.
That was a first for me,
And you didn't seem to care.

And so I tried to let it be.
To let you come to me.
It took you ten days
To realize I was missing.
Ten days for you to even speak.

And I know things were short
And I know it was quick,
But really, where did you go?
Because I swore I'd see.
I swore to myself
I'd see if you really wanted me.

So I didn't press.
And as hard as it was,
I didn't instigate.
And do you want to know what you did?
Nothing.

You didn't even try.
And I'm confused,
Because I'm worth trying for.
Sometimes it's hard to believe,
But I know that I am.

So why did you leave?
Because you just disappeared.
I feel so strange, but
Deep inside I knew;
I knew what this would be.

Maybe that's what I get,
For picking the safe choice.
Clearly I was mistaken though,
Because you seemed to ignore me
like the most practiced ******* of all.

But still I hoped that maybe you'd try.
And so here I am,
Sitting in your silence
And your lack of action paralyzes me.
It's shocking, really.

Surprising; How much I can hurt,
Without so much as a single, spoken word-
All the while not really feeling.
I don't know whether to grieve or sigh,
But maybe it's best you didn't try.

Now I know, to you,
I wasn't worth your time.
Ironically, I want to blame myself-
But this time I know,
It's not me; it was you.

Yes, I was scared.
And yes, my stomach turned
At the thought of more- still I tried,
And the fear seemed to subside.
But my heartache did persist.

And now It's back
To tell me how foolish I was,
To mock how alone I am,
And to whisper lies in my ear at night-
Since you left, it's the only closure I get.

I'm not some mistake
That needs brushing under the rug,
I'm not the secret you keep,
And I'm not the back up plan.
Those things I am not.

You sunk my heart
And it now fills with frustration.
Because if you want to leave
Then, ******, say so!
Don't just slip away in the night.

But you did, you just left.
Let yourself get swept
away in the blowing wind and
Now all I see is your ghost.
All I hear is your silence.

Now its all there is between us.  
Maybe you'd be better off
Making love to the wind,
Because it surely wasn't me.