You never felt right for me

In just a year I've found **** luck
Hypothesizing a love life
With the conclusion of
A beautiful future,
Two souls intermingling

No, I don't understand the concept
My youth screamed like a spoiled child
That it was right when everyone said
It wasn't
I listened, I listened then crashed

You told me one day love wasn't for you
My throat clenched and choked
My page of trust was ripped out
My heart poured out on a hospital sheet
Was drilled into, wasn't serious to you
And yes, I underrated my heartache
To not look like a loser for love
A part of me wanted a future with you
Wanted to say that I proved them wrong
Had something to be proud of

Not broken, yet not held together
I refuse to be, because I've
Been there far too many times
You make me sit at the table
Waiting for the clock to change
I look for a call, a declaration of love
But instead, you hurt me
And anytime I think about you
I am disgusted with myself