In the beautiful sun I breathe, I breathe in the toxins of this horrid pleasure,
knowing it will **** me. knowing I’m not this person, I inhale.
My lungs curse me, my heart breaks.
I relish in this self destruction.
Im hurting.
Im hurting.
Im hurt.
Why, I ask.
Why have I become this way.
Why have I become this person.
Who suffers in silence but can no longer contain it.
My blood runs down my face for all to see.
No one sees.
In all my life I’ve never felt so low.
How do I climb out?
Will I ever?
Why is it so hard to be happy.
How can I reverse the damage done to my heart.
When will this suffering end.
O the waves crash hard washing away my hard work, obliterating my self confidence.
Why is it that I am trying so hard to fight? why can I not just be.
I love my friends. I love my mother. I love my sister. I love my brother.
How do I accept that they love me too?
I miss myself, so full of ambition.
So full of light.
My soft supple lips kiss you lightly inhaling your toxic love
I love you.
I hate you.
My new found friends surround me, support me.
I can't lose them.
I would be devastated.
My heart would shatter into a million pieces, I'd never be able to repair every vessel.
My mind would unravel, my soul would be trapped. And I'd run back to you wrapping myself in your venom blanket.
I'd kiss you.
My lungs would curse me
I'd kiss you
And My heart would bleed
I'd kiss you
And My body would tremble
I'd kiss you
Causing the threads holding me together to tear.
Kiss.
Kiss
Kiss
I love you
*But you taste like ******* ****.