My eyes are buzzing
And colors flood my senses
And I'm suddenly blinded
By the the calming disassociation
That being livid sometimes gives me.

I don't take klonipon
Anymore,
Though my doctor still insists
On writing prescriptions for it.

And don't shove down my throat
How bad she thinks she had it,
Because she doesn't know
The half of it
And she doesn't even know
How this world works.

So I'll get myself
A glass of water,
Swallow down my anxiety and tears
Along with two Motrin and a couple Benadryl.

Wait for the colored noises
To calm down.
Rub at my eyes and ears,
Waiting for the ringing from my internal screaming
To stop.

And I see in blurs
And I hear in colors.

And so I will listen to Modern Baseball's album "Sports"
For the umpteenth time
To calm me down.

My wrists are wet from the ice
I would press to my veins,
And my skin is crawling
So I'll try not to touch anything
Besides my fingers to the keyboard.

I gave you the option
To love me or leave me.

And you chose the former,
So I somehow figure
That's the final decision.

And despite all efforts
Against us,
I know for a fact that we'll make it.