(Five parts, all are listed here.) War My mind battles my body Tearing apart the threads of what I live for An eternal fight that can never be won Time running out Nothing seems to save me Part of me wanting to live Part of me wanting to die Neither side winning Yet neither side losing. And time is the only constant. But time is the thing I have the least of Time is the thing that I’m losing And no matter what I do, The war is always raging. The battle never ending. And that’s the way my life feels. A constant battle of good and bad. A constant battle of the will to live And the will to die.
Famine I dream of happiness Yet everything good Is torn away from me By depression Never feeling good enough But needing something To hold onto. The hunger of that thing Rips into my heart Gnawing on my soul Eating everything it can reach. But nothing satisfies its appetite. Of the thing it needs most. So I let it consume me Sense I can’t control it. No matter what I do.
Pestilence Depression leaks into my soul. It covers every part of me with a black, consuming acid. It wants to steal me away slowly. But it isn’t merciful enough to finish the task. And it isn’t merciful enough to surface to the outside. Where others can see it. So it consumes my soul, My mind, My body. And enjoys my suffering. The darkness fills every corner of my body. And filters out the light. Taking my body over so even I can’t control it. Using myself against me. Showing me my weaknesses but not my strengths. And somehow, I’m still here despite the mental disease worse than any physical one. Because it can’t be cured with any antidote, no matter how strong. No matter what I do, the darkness seems to win.
Death My heart has stopped working It doesn’t care about beating, the darkness has already stopped it from wanting and willing to live. My brain has stopped thinking The darkness won’t let it think anything but thoughts of darkness, why think when you can’t. My face has stopped smiling Nobody believes it anyways, the darkness can’t be seen, but my laugh has already been terminated. My soul has stopped living It has no reason to, not when the darkness has stolen its faith of a new beginning. My body has stopped sleeping Why sleep when all your dreams are filled with nightmares, when all your nights are restless to begin with? My mind has stopped caring It doesn’t need to, not when the darkness has already shown it that each thing it loved can be lost. My eyes have stopped crying Why cry when you have nothing left to care about? When everything you loved has left? My body has grown limp Why move when you have no reason to live? My body is just a machine. I’ve become a mindless automaton controlled by the dark depression I’ve fallen into. My fingers have stopped typing Why type when you’ve nothing to say? When the words run dry, when everything you say is just mindless babbling? Why live when you can’t? Why live when you’ve already died to begin with?
The Angel The darkness has filled me. I’m close to the end. One more step and I’m gone. One more step and it’s over. But then there is a light. A light more beautiful than any other. More vibrant than the sun. A star is nothing compared to the way the light shone. And the angel approached me. It tried to remove the darkness. It couldn’t. No matter how it tried. So instead, it comforted me. But the angel was whisked away from me. Right as the darkness was losing its strength. And so I was forced to watch the angel leave. My angel. My hope. My love, removed from me. The thing that gave me light in the darkness was taken away. The end of my tunnel was closed off.
Each poem has its own writing style to match the Horsemen or the Angel. The Angel represents the hope I was given to escape depression, but it was taken away from me.